In the professional environment, but of course also in private life, you are always in situations where you meet strangers and need or want to establish a conversation with them. This can be the case at an evening event, for example after a long day of workshops, or before a meeting with new business partners or customers. Small talk is usually the method of choice here, as people usually want to get to know each other first before the "deep talk" can start.

Why is small talk so important?

Basically, we first have to look at the purpose of small talk. Because it is more than just a trivial banter before a meeting begins, for example. Small talk is the perfect way to find out how much you like each other. Especially at work, it separates professional topics from private ones (e.g. holiday plans, hobbies, etc.) and shows the other person from a completely different side than the one in which you would otherwise meet the person. Any private information we can gather from our counterpart in small talk makes it easier for us to see the person as a whole. And sometimes it doesn't hurt to realise that the other person is not just team leader XY, but a personality with family, preferences, etc.

The 1x1 of small talk - these tips will help you start a conversation

Some people seem to have been born as true masters of small talk. As if they were born to communicate with complete strangers, they impress with charisma and, in adulthood, with interesting questions and an open charisma. But that is the exception. Because you don't learn small talk at school, but only in the course of your life, so to speak, "learning by doing". With the following tips, you can practise small talk and build up a certain confidence in this area step by step. And at some point it will work almost by itself - I promise!

Small talk tip no. 1: Don't worry too much

Yes, that is certainly easier said than done. But if you spend hours or even days before a possible conversation with a stranger worrying about what could go wrong, you will experience the conversation as tense to the maximum and will not remember it positively. Therefore, try not to expect too much in advance and simply get involved in the conversation with the other person. Because if you only think about how you might appear to the other person (hairstyle, make-up, voice, etc.), you leave hardly any room for the actual conversation. So concentrate less on yourself and more on the people around you.

Small talk tip no. 2: Make the first move and listen actively

Especially at parties or other official occasions, many people often stand somewhat lost in the room. Take the opportunity and approach the others. It is also a good idea to choose a person who has a positive aura about them. Because instead of trying to talk to every person in the room, it can help to focus on a likeable person (regardless of position in the company). By the way: people find conversations particularly successful when they themselves often get a chance to speak. So ask the other person a question and listen actively. This means that you comment on what is said, ask questions and repeat individual statements.

Small talk tip no. 3: Have the courage to show emotions

Don't worry, this is not about directly telling your new conversation partner your life story or even crying. By emotions we mean open gestures and facial expressions. Because that also makes you more tangible as an interlocutor. Use your voice, smile at your counterpart and look the person in the eye (Attention! Don't stare permanently into the eyes, but direct your gaze to other parts of the face from time to time. This also helps if you still have difficulties with direct eye contact. Use words like "exciting", "wow" or "interesting" to express your emotions. Of course, these should always be adapted to the topic of conversation.

Good topics and conversation starters for small talk

Especially if you are not yet practised, it can help to think of a few topics in advance that are good for small talk. By the way, you should always introduce yourself and refer to the situation you are in together. For example: "Hi, I'm Marie. Did you also listen to the lecture about XY?"

If an exchange then takes place, we have put together some topics for you here (to be chosen depending on the situation, of course):

• How did you become aware of the event?
• Where are you from? (a good opportunity to talk about specific cities, regions or countries and switch from here to the topic of travel or food).
• Do you have time for hobbies besides your job? What do you like to do in your free time?
• Do you already have plans for your next holiday?
• What did you particularly like about the event today?
• The snacks at the buffet tasted very good. Have you already tried XY? Do you like to cook yourself?
• - What inspires you?
• What music do you like to listen to? Is it still the same music you listened to when you were young?
• Pay attention to the facial expressions of the person you are talking to. E.g. "You look like you're looking for something, can I help you?"
• If you run out of things to talk about, think of a previous statement in the conversation. For example, "You told me you have a dog. How do you keep him occupied on a rainy day?"

In general, these topics are usually harmless and therefore well suited for a casual conversation: the current situation you both find yourselves in, hobbies and interests, pets, travelling, etc.

You should exclude these topics from strangers:

Depending on the situation, you can at least roughly assess which topics are inappropriate. In a medical environment, for example at a medical conference, illnesses are certainly not a taboo subject. However, if you are talking at a party, topics such as physical infirmities are rather inappropriate. In general, it is advisable to refrain from these no-go topics in small talk

• Relationship crisis
• Blasphemies
• Currently highly polarising political issues
• Private finances
• Illnesses and strokes of fate
• Sexuality

Conclusion: Small talk can be learned and once you have a certain routine, it is even fun.

You should always observe the rules of polite conversation. Approach strangers in a friendly and open manner, do not interrupt your counterpart in conversation or only in an emergency (if you have to leave quickly), listen actively and prefer to ask open questions instead of yes/no questions. Have fun with your next small talk!