When communicating with other people, not only the words we say matter, but also the signals our body sends to the other person. Gestures and facial expressions play an essential role in how the content of what is said is decoded and understood. If you know how to "read" your conversation partner and behave as congruently as possible with what is being said, you can benefit in both your private and professional life.

Why body language and facial expressions are so important

Let's take a direct example from everyday communication with other people that you will certainly be familiar with: 

A colleague asks you for a favor. He would like you to complete a substantial part of work on a project. In reality, this would have been his or her task and you are not enthusiastic about their request. However, you feel obliged to do take the responsibility and therefore say "Yes, of course I'll gladly take over." 

If this communication has only taken place digitally, e.g. via chat, your counterpart has no choice but to interpret what you have written as you have worded it: You are happy to help. 

If you are face to face, however, the situation is different. This is where your voice, your body language and, of course, your facial expressions come into play. 

How the statement "Yes, of course, I'll be happy to do your job" can be interpreted differently through body language.

1. You say the sentence, look past the other person, but clench your teeth, fold your arms and mumble.  
   Obviously, what you are saying does not match your body language, because your clenched teeth and unclear pronunciation convey the opposite. You are clearly forcing yourself to agree and would rather refuse. 
2. You raise your eyebrow, laugh, and phrase the sentence in a sarcastic way. 
   Ideally, your counterpart should realize that you do not mean what you say, but rather that you are making fun of his proposal. This is because you are not taking the request very seriously and do not see yourself as responsible for the task.  
3. You smile, put your hand on the other person's shoulder and look him or her straight in the eye. 
   Here the interviewer can be relatively sure that you really want to help. This is because you signal a friendly approach and respond to the person asking for help. 

What we can learn from this example about the congruence of statements and body language

On the factual level, the spoken answer to the request for help was identical in each case. Nevertheless, only in the third example can we assume that the answer was sincere. In the first example, your folded arms, averted gaze, and unclear pronunciation clearly signal your reluctance, but still leave open the interpretation that you are responding to the request. 

In the second example, it can be assumed that you are actually making fun of the request and will probably not help either. This mocking way of communication, which uses irony, is particularly unpleasant for your counterpart and should have no place in professional conversations. 

The basics of gestures and facial expressions

Authenticity in communication is incredibly important in both private and professional life. Only those who are understood by their fellow human beings and behave as congruently as possible on the content level and body language will be perceived as a pleasant conversational partner. 

Let's take a closer look at individual gestures and postures:

1. Mirror gestures and create a connection 
   If you want to create a common level of communication with another person, you can use the so-called "mirroring" technique. This is not about imitating gestures, choice of words and facial expressions of your in an exaggerated or even affected manner, but rather observe how your counterpart presents him- or herself and try to mirror a selected gesture shortly after your conversation partner. This should not happen during the entire conversation, but only specifically and should suit you as a person too. The only exception to this rule is if the person you are talking to is nervous or stressed, in this case you should avoid mirroring and instead try to use calm and relaxed gestures. 
2. Make sure you have a pleasant but firm handshake
   A handshake is often the first touch that connects two people before a conversation. It is therefore very important to send the right signals. The perfect handshake is strong but should not cause pain. In addition, it should only be brief and be characterized by a light handshake no more than three times. 
3. The ideal sitting position 
   Generally, but especially if you do not yet know your counterpart, you should keep an arm's length apart and not sit directly opposite each other. It is better to keep an angle between 30 and 60 degrees to each other. 
4. Eye contact and smiling in conversation 
   It is not only during discussions that it is important to maintain eye contact and still appear relaxed. Do not stare permanently into the eyes of the person you are talking to, as this can be unpleasant. It is better to concentrate on the other person's eyes, but occasionally avert your gaze or (for those who find direct eye contact difficult) look for another point on your counterpart's face that is close to the eyes, e.g. the forehead or nose and concentrate on that point. In general, however, you should practice maintaining eye contact because this radiates confidence and strength. 
   The correct dosage is necessary when smiling. Your smile should suggest contentment, but not appear forced. Therefore, do not grin forcefully, but use an open smile with eye contact at the right moment. 
5. Folded arms as a means of body language 
   Probably the best-known gesture of rejection is when someone folds their arm during a conversation. This is because this suggests a protective or defensive posture. If your counterpart crosses his or her arms, pay even more attention to what is being said and observe whether the person crosses his or her arms more often in the normal course of everyday office life. As for many people this is simply comfortable and has nothing to do with rejection. 

Obviously, there are many other clear and subtle gestures that tell you how to interpret the content of the conversation. It is always important to observe the person outside of the personal conversation to find out which facial expressions and gestures belong to the person's "natural behavior" and which he or she rarely uses. In the end, it is always about the mixture of the content of what is said, the body language and the tone of voice. Reading this and using it yourself is always worthwhile and can be trained very well.